When we moved to Germany, I knew I would eventually be giving up my paid gig and my days would be filled with taking care of my son and the majority of the housework. I completed the switch-over two years ago and became a full time time parent. I was so excited that I would have the time to entertain my little guy and not have deadlines to face, conference calls to be on or external stress to bring home. We had a blast. He was my best friend and we went everywhere. My husband would come home from work, interrupting our play, and tell us we were the ‘biggest goofballs,’ that we had a bond like no other.
I found out I was pregnant and was excited for the new addition but the exhaustion set in early. The “terrible twos” bumped up a few notches and I had the pleasure of dealing with tantrums between the laughs but I was still in love with being at home with Monkey. Living in another country without many friends can make you feel secluded and lonely at times. The main adult interaction I had was my husband after work and on the weekends. Somewhere along the way, I lost my identity and just became “mom.” I soon started thinking of how nice it would be to go into work, maybe one day a week, and have some grownup conversation.
The baby came and I felt my energy plummet. And when she became mobile? Forget about having any “me” time. It was and still is quite difficult to balance out the needs and attention of both of the kids. No one told me how difficult it was to be a parent, let alone being a stay-at-home mom. Our move back to the States was inevitable and I started getting excited about returning to work. I would actually be able to have a full thought without someone climbing on me, trying to stick their finger in my nose, ear, eye or mouth, whining, pulling at the dog’s ears or needing help on the potty. In fact, at work, I would be able to use the toilet completely alone. Pure bliss.
Alas, we have under six months until our big move and all of my excitement for structured validation, adult relationships and having the gift of concentration has turned into anxiety and I’ve already started to miss my children. I mean really miss them. I find myself staring at them as they play and getting completely misty-eyed. I never knew that being a mom would bring me the greatest pleasure and yet the worst feeling of guilt I’ve ever known.
So I’m going to soak up these crazy, hectic moments with my two babes, filled with giggling and smiles, crying and tears. I won’t be able to go back to these days when they’re oh-so young, innocent, perfect little beings where their biggest concern is what they’re eating for lunch. Because the truth is, time does fly by and I don’t want to miss a second of it.
11 Comments
Enjoy every minute you can while you’re still a SAHM. I know when I give up SAHD-dom I’ll find it hard. #sharewithme
Being a stay at home parent is one of the most difficult but rewarding jobs to be had. I’ll be quite sad when this all ends.
This is one of those enjoy the moment things as time with small people is so precious as they change so quickly. Good luck with the move back to the US 🙂
Definitely! I’ve noticed so much of a change in both my kids in the small amount of time they’ve been on earth. I will be sure to be grateful for every moment I have with them.
I so appreciate your honesty! I think it’s brave to acknowledge that it’s so hard and not always so pretty to be at home with the babes! I know that I enjoyed going back to work after four months at home at first…lol
Oh it definitely isn’t pretty! lol. It will be a nice break but a little heart-wrenching too.
I can relate to every word of this – I wrote a very similar post about returning to work recently. It sounds as though you’ve really made the most of your time at home, it’s so important to cherish these moments as we will never get them back x #sharewithme
I’ll hop over to your page and check it out! Knowing that I will be returning to work is making me realize just how much of a blessing it is that I am able to be with them as often as I am.
Time really does fly and being a stay at home mum is no joke either! The past year and half of my life as a stay at home mum have been the best yet some of the most challenging of my life. I am now going back to work in 5 weeks and I will definitely miss being at home every day yet I am looking forward to some adult conversation! #sharewithme
Enjoy your time because you are SO right, the time really does fly. I have an 11 year old and a 7 (just turned) year old. Both of them refuse to hug me anymore (gotta keep up the street cred!) and are far too cool to be seen giving me a kiss goodbye when I drop them at school. I miss the toddler days. It is absolutely exhausting but SO worth it.
Hope your anxiety eases honey. xx
#sharewithme
It’s hard when you are on either side of it. As a SAHM in another country I can soooo relate to the loneliness and feeling like the only human is my hubby that I speak to but than I started back at work full time and I missed them. It was a struggle. I now work full time from home but even then I feel guilty working while I am in front of them wanting to play. Having done all sides no matter which was it is you feel guilty or want for more or the other side. If that makes sense. You just have to go what fits your family the best and what your family needs as much as what you need and do our best. Thank you so much for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme